I found the COVID-19 pandemic of 2020 and 2021 to be continuous in its forward path and reflectively I found myself birthed in a new perspective.
The top of 2020 I placed a vow to myself to work on all aspects of my being. To balance and address what was seemingly coming undone.
The attention to self care and the honesty to no longer put health aside.
I was working as a public servant within my First Nation, as a elected band councillor for 6 years. I have seen and gone through so many situations that you could not be prepared for beforehand. I witnessed myself transform within the heavy tone of scenarios. I often questioned the practice of systems and structures of governance and the behavioural mentality of people. When we want to manifest and create good we need to start out in those meticulous details of self practice.
An easy concept but a great test of practicality in the implementation and up keep. People are social beings who monitor the efforts of investment compared to those around us. Why must I do good, if they are not?
I used to think in such a utopia world view and still do, in the simplicity of actually living life, as opposed to the practice of individual gain and sole practice of elevated status only.
I think of those who are watching you when no one else is looking. Your family, your ancestors and most of all your inner self. Always asking, “was that done in fair and just consideration of heart and mind”
So needless to say over the years the morality of questions and continued mindset of impartiality of trying to be a strong leader figure became the wedge of me splitting away from my inner self. On the exterior I was one who regardless of what happened – place your emotions aside and be present as leadership to make decisions is needed. I found my mind over working into exhaustion, my worry affecting my health, my ability to sleep and breath being compromised. I was Isolated inside and in my mind.
February 2020 I vowed – No one else will do it for you, so take this as your final call. I took my health forward. In the year I lost 70 lbs and nutrition and attention to what was fueling my body was changed.
My appearance had changed, noticeable to other but to me I was still me. Observer in the shadows but getting by.
Also the mental ability to reflect daily on what happened and check in with myself. I found the end of 2020 really take on a true form of my real self. A place I had not been in a very long time.
I was centred again. Then BAM!
The one who knows me the most. The one who has always danced with my spirit in every life appeared again. For the most part I had always kept this to myself. The one who came in through dreams and who made his presence known, he was always close by but always miles away.
He appeared one day in my Ojibway language class.
Instantly soothed and recognized his voice, and instantly knew when I seen him appear. I know him I thought, it’s him. For years I would always seen him and hear of him but had never been physically before him.
The deep intuitive pull and deep familiarity of someone you already know you love and care for. As I sat in silence I glistened at him talking away, all the while saying “oh I hope your spirit remembers me”.
Low and behold he was thinking the exact same thing. “Who is that, is that her, my kwe, does she remember me”.
We have always ask for one another in every life, and we always exist in each life and then fully become our expressive self when we find one another each time. So during this pandemic people have asked how?
How did you become so healthy?
How did you keep sane?
How did you find your love of your life?
And how can you have so much hope for the future.
The reality is during the pandemic – you are asked what is life and what is important. What do you value? And why are you hanging onto things that hold you under in the feeling of hopelessness.
At the end of 2021 I moved – to be with my love. To learn and be out on the land, it has been the soul injection of what I have always wanted and now I wake up everyday to. We knew that we would always fine another and our next steps is to vow our love to one another for the rest of our days.
Manifesting change does not happen overnight.
You make those vows to self, you place the disciple and action into what your focused on, the thoughts and spirit of intent is emulated in that passion of a thought. So in every way you are moment by moment being honest in your daily reflections, where am I? Where do I want to go? What do I need to get there? How can I do this? I will try this, I will do this.
The last two years have transformed me in ways I could have never imagined. For the better and still everyday I look over at my partner and am captivated in awe, I get to love him, and he loves me unconditionally. I am where I am because I made those choices. All these years I had wanted this life, and here it is. The overwhelming feeling of joy, and happiness that I cry. Brief moments of what if its all gone tomorrow? I know we are not promised time. I love harder, longer, deeper, for him to always know that I know it took me so long to get here, but I’m here and will always be here “whether he likes it or not” lol (inside joke).
He is an artist, hunter, fisher, trapper, log cabin builder, designer, artist, teacher, an amazing cook, dancer, jump scare enthusiastic man. Who I absolutely adore. So the time we have together will be filled with explorations, adventures, curiosity, change, growth, learning, teaching, sharing, giving, and fueling experiences in the passion of our artworks.
So much of what the land teaches us can be found and understood, if we take the time to watch and listen. We plan on making artworks for the next year and set up an exhibition of our artworks in the coming year.
Our years together have just started again, we are picking up where we last left off. I am amazed at how much we have already done together, it has all be inspirational content for me to absorb and I can’t wait to get it all out in some creative sessions to share with you all.
Love you all, be safe
Cathie